Can an urban-dwelling workaholic new mum, hooked on Twitter and re-runs of 24, genuinely go Slow? Lawks, I hope so. I’m exhausted!
The boyfriend has decided to work a four-day week to spend more time with our son. Eight months in to being a father, he’s tired of spending more time on buses each day than with the baby, and wants to be present for at least some of the memorable milestones of the next six months.
This adjustment to his work life balance has gone down brilliantly with me, and with the baby, who seems to save his best smiles for dad day. It feels absolutely right and proper, as part of our mission to Slow down without opting out completely.
The change has gone down less well with his parents though. In what we’ve put down to a sign of a generation gap, his folks are very anxious that he might be overlooked for promotion at work, or worse still, risk losing his job altogether. It’s been difficult for them to see that their son might still want to prioritise hands-on time with his own son.
“I worked 8am til 8pm six days a week,” says his dad, not for the first time. I keep silent while the boyfriend struggles to contain his feelings of having missed out on lots of dad time as a child.
His employer has been marginally better on this topic, but not perfect. He works for a modern, progressive company in which many mums do flexi-time or part-time. The mostly female HR department were supportive of his move, but his boss was less so. He signed off the change, with stipulations. He had his own first child very recently, so let’s see how long before he wants to go Slow too.
It feels great to have stood together as a team and chosen a slightly less conventional way of living. We’ve prioritised time together as a family over money, career (for the time being) and keeping the family happy.
I do wonder though, if it is harder to go Slow as a man. Even in 2010, is there still more pressure on men to be Superman, permanently go-getting, and more raised eyebrows if a man chooses to get off the fast train to be with his children?
There is a huge amount of pressure on women to be busy busy busy too. The more packed the diary, the more fabulous you must be, etc etc. It’s just that, I realise now, nobody questions me when I tell them I’m Slowing down, despite being a renowned workaholic. It’s almost as though it’s a rite of passage, along with buying my first Cath Kidston wipeable table cloth. Readers, I can guarantee that will never happen.
