Parenting has changed dramatically in just 60 years. A significantly smaller number of children play in the street or near their home every day, women are having fewer children and at a later age; smacking is less popular; and mothers are spending much more time with their children, despite the increase in female employment.

If we cast our minds back prior to the Industrial Revolution, we can reminisce over a time when families would live with relatives and their own parents to ensure as much support as possible, as was the case particularly in Eastern Europe and across Asian cultures.  Some anthropologists believed that this organisation of family life was “universal” – that it filled all biological needs for humans.  Yet in the late 1960s that anthropologists considered tribes such as the South Mexican Zinacanteco Indians who lived in “houses” rather than “families” from as little as one to as many as twenty people.

Today it is thought that the trend for nuclear families –  or any strict family model for that matter – could be disappearing, with the Family and Parenting Institute declaring that one in four children are now  from single parent households, usually brought up solely by mothers. However the father’s role as a more active participant is becoming increasingly important, even if they are not living in the same household. More grandparents are providing the childcare for busy working mothers too, echoing the setup pre-Industrial Revolution.

There have always been trials to break away from the social norm, such as the communes that were inspired by the Women’s Liberation movement and tribal systems in the early 1970s. One such case is that of the Wild family, where children were raised in a non-sexist household in Islington, North London, where, energised by radical feminism, men and women were equals.  Al Garthwaite retold her experience in a Guardian article last year, prior to a Channel 4 documentary, Wild Things, which followed the commune founders and their now grown-up children.

“Non-biological parents were as equally important as biological parents”, which result in the children having many mums who were always fresh and able to provide the children with much attention. Some could say this is quite different to the frenzied parenting and childcare battle today.

A unique aspect of these communes was the choice of surname. Rather than the children taking the surname of the father or mother, all children born and raised there were named Wild.

The Wild communes spread to about ten communities across the UK by the mid 70s, before fading out a decade later. Yet the Wild surname legacy remains today.

What do you think about the nuclear family? Is there more to life than the usual approach? What is your slow parenting approach? jorg&olif would like to hear from you.

Image credit: jchatoff

I take the advice of Natalie Goldberg who wrote a favourite zen-inspired book of mine, Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer within. For anyone looking for creative encouragement, this continual bestseller was originally written in 1988, long before the cranked out, fast-paced blogging world. Goldberg stated:

“Give yourself tremendous space to wander in, to be utterly lost with no name, and then come back and speak.”

There is so much noise with the zillions of blogs already out there and I need that space away from my screen to think and form an opinion of my own before I set out to write.

So, as I broach the theme of slow blogging I’m delighted to realise that I’m not the only one: Todd Seiling’s wrote the original Slow Blog Manifesto in 2006.

Like the Slow Food Manifesto, Seiling has some wise jewels littered throughout.  Like Goldberg, he too promotes silence. He explains that it is a “rejection of immediacy” and “speaking like it matters, like the pixels that give your words form are precious and rare. It is a willingness to let current events pass without comment.”

How come the best ideas and the funniest jokes come from when you’re having a drink with a friend in the pub, cuddling a pet or on the toilet? It’s because you’re relaxed, and have no other distractions. The same goes for communication.

My favourite point of Seiling’s Manifesto is that “Slow Blogging is a reversal of the disintegration into the one-liners and cutting turns of phrase that are often the early lives of our best ideas.” Tweet tweet to that.

Sadly, Seiling stopped blogging, which is no surprise given that he didn’t have the continuous traffic to make it worth it. He also dislikes pagerank: “Pagerank. Pagerank, the ugly-beautiful monster that sits behind the many folded curtains of Google, deciding the question of authority and relevance to your searches.”

But other slow bloggers, despite their popularity do exist – just look at the Slow Blog website for examples.

Another interesting idea for slow blogging includes Kirk Citron’s Long News project, part of San Francisco’s Long Now Foundation, where only “news items that are of long term consequence” appear. Of course, Citron is prophesising about a long-term future that no one will be able to question, if he does in fact get it wrong.

Even Twitter’s been slowed down by London-based Russell Davies too, who created Dawdlr. Davies plonks postcards on his website every six months, which answer the question “What are you doing now?” (as long as six months ago, I assume).

It’s purely an experiment, as he adds: “I’m curious to see if something that slow can be ‘viral’ or will it just dwindle to nothing as everyone forgets last time around.”

You could always join the snooze function campaign over at kung fu grippe, which sets about the option to snooze on particular friends while you are taking time out.

If you’re a civic blogger who is up for slowing it down, you can still go to Seiling’s site and create and share your own Slow Blogging Manifesto. See you there – after I’ve made a cuppa.

Image: laffy4k

Giving yourself the time to think about sex is the key to a healthy relationship in the boudoir.

Whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, Valentine’s Day may feel like it loses some of the romance due to the expectation that befalls us at the end of the evening. Couples may find the pressure too much, struggling as they forget about the journey, aiming only for Destination Climax.

Women may find this harder, as they are likely to take ten minutes longer to orgasm than men – who can orgasm after three to five minutes.

The national specialist charity, the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT), are all too familiar with the problem:

“Many people find that thoughts run through their head about non-sexual things which seem to get in the way of them having an orgasm. Relaxation exercises can help with this as can taking the pressure off having an orgasm by taking orgasms off the menu for a while.”

“Strangely the thing that makes it most difficult to get an orgasm is trying to have an orgasm, just as many people with insomnia find that trying to get to sleep is exactly the thing that stops them from sleeping.”

.

Three-course sex menu

Do you take the time to enjoy all three courses of the sexual menu: foreplay, the sex itself, and the playful wind down time afterwards?

Just like with any relaxation technique, be it yoga, meditation or a little daytime siesta, it’s the time you give to the activity that helps develop your acceptance of the actual relaxation – and it can take practice.

Many sex therapists offer what they call ‘Sensate Focus’ where you are able to slow down and concentrate on your partner rather than the process. It could be about having alone time working what you personally want from your sex life. Or you may just want to remember your fantasies and allow the opportunity to explore your sexual thoughts. However during this period – it could be a few days or it could be a few weeks – no sexual intercourse or touching of one another’s sexual areas is allowed.

The couple instead lie together (whether naked or in relaxed clothing) after creating a comfortable environment and experiment with touch:  stroke, tickle, gently touch and massage, applying different degrees of pressure.

When you do recommence penetration, the BASRT suggests that you refrain from thrusting to begin with and simply enjoy the “sensation of containment”.

Over time you will know one another a lot better and enjoy the time together – and jorg&olif didn’t even mention the multiple orgasm doors slow sex opens if you have a go…bidi bidi bom bom!

Photo 1: Peter Becker
Photo 2: XOZ

If you visit Varanasi, the cultural capital of India, you will experience the mystic hustle and bustle of pilgrims and slow-moving boat wallahs on the banks of the ochre-hued River Ganges. Yet, alongside the commotion is a vast peace of silk emporiums, a token tribute to an age old slow tradition of community weaving within the region that once clothed the Indian Maharajas and the Dalits (low caste) alike.

For 1,000 years, weavers willingly surrendered themselves in spiritual reverie to the quality-focused techniques of hand-looming within the city’s twisted alleyways, where kilometres of refined, luxurious thread would hang forth and feed the streets.

The silk, sometimes created in a co-operative partnership between two weavers, would be opulently embroidered with gorgeous motifs of myth and nature such as marigolds, swans and griffins through binary systems (perhaps the origin of computer’s today) and often enhanced with gold or silver (zari) thread.

Oscar de la Renta once commented that, ‘”Silk does for the body what diamonds do for the hand.”

However the fast pace of modern life, the adoption of mass production and the acceptance of “poor-quality, cheap machine-silk has substantially impacted the brocade craft and its unique results.

“Many looms are lying silent today and many have even been sold off. As the traditional sari has been pushed to a side of the wardrobe of the modern woman, so have these weavers been pushed to the fringe of their community.”

This lost craft has erupted into discord for the 150,000 remaining weavers, forcing them into a vulnerable life of unemployment, who often migrate to hard labour away from their skill and home.

Yet there is hope of revival through The Varanasi Weavers Project, which is re-training weavers and bringing the old craft up-to-date and making commercially viable. Moving away from the myriad spectacle of colours, the collection offers Western sophistication with classic colours of blacks and natural shades, while entwining clean-cut contemporary designs with the traditional aesthetic in order to make it more desirable.

The famous Varanasi embroidered “Zardosi” buttons crafted by village women, that has been long-applauded for its fashion finesse is also being revitalized, while the pure silk fabric has also been made lightweight, colour-fast and machine washable.

“We believe that these weavers have magic in their fingers; they are not asking for pity.”

Showcased to audiences at the Ethical Fashion Show in Paris in Autumn 2008, it is hoped that the project, of which now encompasses 60 weavers working in three Dalit villages around the city, can expand its aesthetically-charming and socially vital grassroots industry.

Photos:  Varanasi Weavers Project

The natural variety of wicker is created from sustainable rattan vine, a light yet durable, strong material that is twisted and woven into its desired shape.

With many varieties grown, rattan thrives in wetland areas such as the Somerset Levels where basket making is still prevalent today. The willow is ready for harvesting in late autumn or early winter, once the leaves have fallen and it then falls into a cycle of being dried out and soaked to achieve the flexibility required for weaving.

Using wicker baskets is an age-old practice that dates as far back as ancient Eygpt, yet since the early 20th century the baskets have been aesthetically considered through their design potential when craft expertise first began to be admired.

Each maker chooses the weave, from popular favourites in British basketry such as randing, slewing and fitching, shaping the form, thickness and pattern.

You can see the hand-crafted techniques of basket making in West Kilbride, North Ayrshire at Hasting Wood Basket Works.

The technique is more complicated than you may think, with the craftsperson considering what to use: buff willow, steamed willow or even white willow, the rarest form due to the time limitations of spring when the sap rises and can be stripped of its bark easily, offering a creamier coloured basket.

English bicycles donned the traditional wicker baskets from the 1900s, using leather straps to attach to the bike. With care and attention, these baskets are long-lasting,  invoking our desires to slow down. You can purchase wicker baskets from The Old Bicycle Company, established in 1995 that originally operated as an antique bicycle restoration workshop. Unfortunately, they can, “no longer provide a restoration service as it is not cost effective for our customers or our workshop”. Yet its wicker baskets are still made on a farm in the middle of the Essex countryside.

You can also purchase a bike basket from David Hembrow, a fourth generation member of a basket maker family that originated from Somerset. Hembrow now resides in the cycling centre of the Netherlands, but still dutifully makes the baskets and ships them worldwide.

Photo: Llamnuds
Photo 2: The Old Bicycle Showroom
Photo 3: David Hembrow’s family history